5 Random Pandar Things

5. I made my stuffed pasta shells (aka "Seashells") the other day and O M G they were good. (Where are my dang pictures of these wonderful things? oh well) That's like my specialty dish. It wins over ANYbody. :)

Kind of like this, except more mozarella. You can never have too much mozarella. :)

4. New music project is playing with COGOP -- Church of God of Prophecy, except this is Spanish so it's La Iglesia de Dios de Profecía ;) My Hunny seriously is THE best music director/teacher and instrumentalist. He's really amazing. Its a treat to play with him and our backup singers are three sweet girls (one is my bf's daughter) with great voices. My Hunny was playing keys to practice last night but he'll be singing up front doing harmonies while another really good musician will rock keys with his dad on guitar (background/chords), and I'm not sure who the drummer is but I wish my Hunny could do drums AND sing AND play bass, lol. He's got to direct and speak and stuff too, so, cant have it all! :) So I am just happy to be playing for something since I haven't had a music project since over 6 months now... yay! Best thing is that it's worship. And I always think that no matter where I am in life or what I've done or how I'm living, I have to give thanks to God and the musical abilities He gave me is the best way to show my gratitude. Honestly, my heart was never for playing in bars and using the music solely to entertain. Music is too precious and sacred for me. Its my gift, and I have to give it back to the One who gave it to me. And everything else I have in my life. Ya know?

3. The *only* sappy romantic movie I can stomach is The Notebook. I'm kind of like a guy in this way. I like to laugh at the tiny package holders they wear in WWE (yea you, Randy Orton). I will NEVER miss a UFC fight. I'll always go for the action movies over the popular romantic comedies (barf. There are few exceptions!) when going through Moviefone. I am good at fixing things like fallen towel bars and soldering electronic connections and debugging/troubleshooting people's computers. I like to do active, messy, outdoor, tough things better than I like to sew or decorate or spend hours on my hair/nails/shit us girls do in the bathroom. Yet I am unmistakably very much a feminine woman. I love chocolate and shopping and makeup and shoes as much as the next beotch. But guy stuff is kind of more fun for me a lot of times. And I like to think that I could kick it. :)

2. I LOOOOOOVE insane roller coasters. My Hunny does not. But he recently took me to Magic Mountain, as a total surprise (I had NO idea, but he knew since we met over 6 years ago I wanted to go), and went on ALL the rides with me!!!! EVEN X2. I'll never forget his face on X2, frigin priceless. When we were next on, he was literally shaking. And my hunny is a pretty tough, badass dude, forreals. I've never seen him scared or worried at all. So we get on the ride after a long, nervous wait, and its just gotten dark at the park so it looks pretty cool. The ride goes up the "hill" but unlike any ride I've been on, you are facing up/outwards towards the sky. I so wish I could have taken a picture then because it was probably the most awesome scene ever. right at sunset too. omg. Ok so anyways I look over at my baby and his hands are clenched to the bars and eyes are closed so tight, like The Cat in the Hat in "I Can Read with my Eyes Shut," lol. "Open your eyes Hunny its SO COOL!!" "no! ... no!" shaking his head and pursing his lips like a little kid who doesn't want to eat their spinach. I closed my eyes on the first drop and then when I gathered the balls to open them again I could not tell you which direction I was facing, which was up or down, or which way we were going. It was insane. I've never been that scared shitless any moment of my life leading up to that. If it hadnt been closing time I would have gone again right after EYES OPEN the whole time :) Guess I'll have to go back!!!! muahahahaha!!  

Yep that was my Hunny and me LOL.



1. I can't dance to save my life. Its probably the combination of me being completely un-aerodynamic, clumsy/awkward, and slow. However, I still have hope that one day I'll dance some dirrrrty ass street salsa and people at all the Mexican weddings will say, "Damn, look at that white girl dance!!" lol. I'm half kidding. Mostly I wonder why my sister can rock the sh*t out of state street solstice parade and hip hop clubs and under the same parents I can't. She can also sing notes I can only hit in the bedroom in the shower with no one listening. But, I dont mind that she's got all kinds of different talents than me, actually thats awesome. (She really is awesome!) I just would have AHEM appreciated! a bit of the dance gene, feel me? I guess it was big boobs or dancing ability. I'm still going to be the most guera-est big tittie having ghetty booty hip rockin Pandar. You can be sure of that. :)

So what's your favorite ride, or are you a closed-eyed rider like my Hunny?

...closer than I was yesterday

*courtesy of positivelypresent.tumblr

There is actually, a first in my life, nothing wrong or out of place. Yeah I have stuff I need to do. Yeah I have concerns and worries. Yeah I have daily responsbilities. But everything really is as it should be.

Wow. You mean I can breathe? I can relax? I dont have to react because there's nothing worth reacting to? I am not being challenged or judged every second? My intentions are not being called into question anymore? I am surrounded by healthy, normal, non-addict people? I am free? I am free.

Pandar, nothing's broken. Stop trying to fix things. Everything is as it should be. You can relax and enjoy life now. You can trust yourself to just be you. The uninhibited you. The real you. Put away the worries and stresses of yesterday, love the moment you're in, and have complete hope and faith in your positive future. Yes, you can. You will. Today forward. Go.

Power of Pandar Positivity

I am committing myself today to a Positive Life.

Today and every day. I am burying the innate or learned negativity I've practiced battled for 26 years. Life is way too short and precious to retain past mistakes and the guilt associated with them, negative attitudes, jealousy, anger, pain, grudges, and any and all other negative emotions or feelings in my life. I am throwing away the belief I had previously kept about "there are no negative emotions" ("just ones you learn from"). That is BS, and it's not working for me. There ARE negative emotions. Negative emotions are any feelings that send you further from your goals, that isolate yourself or the people you love, or that affect yourself and others in a *negative* (or defeating) way.

I am committing to rid my thoughts, actions, and beliefs of negativity. I am going to accomplish that by allowing, inviting, and insisting that only positive thoughts, actions, and beliefs dwell in me as a person. When negative thoughts enter my mind, I commit to be realistic but replace them with positive thoughts so that my actions and beliefs will be wholly positive. I have control of my thoughts, actions, and beliefs, and I can make them positive simply by choice. It may be difficult to see, but I believe that I can find AT LEAST one positive thing about ANY situation, and that is what I am committing to do. From this day forward.

I will start by replacing any negative thoughts about myself with positive affirmations!

I am smart

I am creative

I am patient

I am loving

I am silly

I am POSITIVE

I am healthy

I am a great mom

I am whole

I am faithful

I am giving

I am grateful

I am proud
I am generous

I am kind

I am thoughtful

I am organized

I am clean

I am happy

I am a good example

I am always learning

I am beautiful

I am complete

I am conscientious

I am good

I am talented

I am musical

I am sweet

I am determined

I am independent
I am strong

I am aware

I am able to laugh

I am growing

I am peaceful

I am spirited

I am full of life

I am flexible

I am joyful

I am awesome :)

I am a good time

I am able to have fun

I am present

I am a good listener

I am getting better every day

I am great with kids

I am gentle

I am gracious

I am forgiving

I am lovely

I am a good influence

I am able to conquer ANYTHING

I am a good cook

I am colorful

I am bright

I am a lady

I am sexy

I am fashionable

I am modest

I am sensible

I am frugal

I am affectionate

I am wholesome

I am fun

I am excited

I am looking forward to so much in life

Who knows? This blog may become a sunshine out the ass positivity blog! lol. maybe....

Review: Los Agaves

I was blessed to be taken to Los Agaves restaurant (the one on Milpas) yesterday. We'd been wanting to see what people rave about, being the mexican restauranteurs we are. :)

Los Agaves Facebook Link

My Hunny and I agreed that the smell of the food, presentation, and overall atmosphere was indeed autentico. We sat by the window, and even though some of the tables are a little close together, there was plenty of space in the dining areas (there are 3, we sat in the brightest main area near the kitchen). It is an open kitchen. The service is good but it is not a typical staff setup; there are runners bringing the food out to tables (they give you a service number) and no designated wait staff attending tables. I actually liked that I could have a conversation without being asked how the food was every 5 minutes. (My Hunny and my family are servers so I definitely recognize [tip big] waiters!) We just called the attention of a runner when we needed something, no problem.

I should have taken pics of the food (have to get in the habit of that!), but I ordered ceviche and the Los Agaves Ensalada. My Hunny got Molcajetes con steak. His was aMAZing. My salad was also amazing; it had mixed greens, tomates, queso, mandarin oranges, mango, aguacates of which no salad is complete without, and a house balsalmic dressing. SO GOOD. The ceviche was very fresh and good. We still decided El Pescador (still the favorite) makes ultimately the BEST ceviche, ever. My love ate the rest of my salad later that day, and I had the rest of my ceviche for lunch today and it was still very fresh and delicious. So you can conclude that a) I don't eat a ton always, and b) the portions were pretty good. One dish was good for one person.

Overall I give it an B+.

But if you want some A++++++ mar y tierra mexican food, go to El Pescador (Santa Paula or Fillmore)! No, I dont get paid to advertise them. I just love El Pescador! lol.

Pandar loves.

Pandar can also be an insensitive, inconsiderate bitch sometimes (fuck you, HORMONES! you're a bitch, HORMONES!). Then I start treating the people I love most in a way I'd never treat them when rationality resides in me. Why, why, why, I ask myself! Then closely follows is the feeling like a totally shitty person guilt. I might as well shank a innocent kitten at this point and it couldn't make me feel any worse. And I adore kittens. So then sometimes my loved ones avoid me like the plague. I often deserve it, and being treated the way I dish out will get me back to how I should be. But I am so tired of letting the bad get to the best of me. I've tried reminding myself to be really aware when I start to get irritated or oversensitive. I still let my crappy mood steal my soul and leave me to clean up the blood on the floor. There's always more negative stuff going on right when I need to resist it, or I just notice it more, or both. Why I feel I have to fight with my emotions? Why can't we just get along? lol.

Seriously though, I know the "negative" feelings are just sending me signals to pay attention to whatever I need to pay attention to at the time. Which I am totally fine with. Maybe its just being able to communicate that to the people around me sans bitchtitude/sourface. Its so fuckin hard to smile when in a toxic environment (not talking about oil in the ocean or car smog, just my workplace!). I used to have a nice transition time from the time I get off work (where much negativity dwells, like on a ridiculous level) to the time I am home and ready to be a mom/girlfriend/housewoman. I miss that. But the lack of my little transition time doesn't allow me to treat others like shit. fml.

Push and Pull

You push and you pull and struggle with the knot
It's tying you up while you're fadin'
You give and you take and take what you got
Round and round 'till it breaks and
You push and you pull and struggle with the knot
It's tying you up while you're fadin' into your lie

Pandar eats!

Buenos Dias! I decided I will be posting much of what Pandars eat. It might surprise you that Pandar is very much a carnivore. If you want to read about vegan muffins and sugar/dairy/gluten/whatever else people avoid (flavor free), go read the hippie blogs. Just kidding!! I realize many vegetarians are pretty cool (normal). I don't judge. BUT, serve me a salad and you bet your flat ass I'll be asking for some steak or chicken right on top. ;)
I'll be taking pics of the food I make. And oh. My. Goodness. Do I make the best salads. It's true! My hunny says so and yes, he is quite the authority on the subject. You shall see :)

Because I have not yet taken the time to learn how to post/combine pics with blogging via my iphone directly yet, here's an update from last night:

exhibit a: pre-run snack. aguacate Oh yah with s&p and lots of Tapatio. Just one way to enjoy them ;)

exhibit b: Strawberry/Banana/Cantelope smoothie.
edit: I froze some and brought it to work with me for breakfast today, which was an amazing idea. Of course, because Pandar is amazing spectacular smarter than the average Pandar.

I use ismoothrun app because it gives me updates (I have them set to each mile) without me having to constantly look at my phone while I'm running. *note to self: get a damn holster or something so you dont have to hold it anymore.

I am slow because I am a fattie not yet a real runner. Looking at my splits ('nother reason I like ismoothrun!), I can see how much I had to walk during miles 3, 5, and 6.

And you'd only know this if I told you that I also wear a million layers. That's a sports bra, tank, my hunnys thick thermal longsleeve, yoga pants, and sweat pants over the yoga ones. Its turrible torture. I am sweating my ass off, literally ;)

Day two without cell phone

So I have a good idea about what I want this blog to be like, who I want it to speak to, and what I will and will not share. But who knows what it will turn out on the way? I'd like to leave that open. I'm not even going to do an introduction or anything, just start a day to day "what's Pandar's life like at this moment" and see where it goes from there :)

So today I forgot my cell phone. again. No, it is not imperative to my being or my sanity. I really just like that I can play my music/Pandora while I'm at work. Also on the days I dont walk for lunch I will sit outside behind my building on *my* lovely iron chair and eat while watching netflix (current show: Make it or Break it!). And my hunny texts me more when I have my phone, so that's always nice :) Really the only thing that bothers me about forgetting my phone is, the forgetfulness part. Pandar is an absent-minded Pandar. I am known to miss my freeway exit on occasion. What's weird is I am really good at remembering dates and paying bills and such. Just not bringing items with me or driving the most efficient directions. Oh well. Will try again tomorrow!