Tuesday, November 15, 2011

My awful but accurate dream...

I had a truly horrific dream this morning. I'm trying not to think about it because it was so so awful and disturbing, so I have to write it down. It helps me not have it again and puts it elsewhere besides in my mind.

I was somehwere I didnt recognize, and around me were my family (I think) although they were busy around me and I was just in one place. I wasnt in pain, but I felt awful, like something inside of me just was wrong. I felt physically and emotionally vulnerable: something unwelcome and invasive had taken control of me. And I had to get it out, but I didnt know what I would find. The dread and fear of what I would find was, however, very clear and present.
I felt it in my stomach. I pulled up my shirt. Tiny thorns began protruding from my skin. One, then another, then more so rapidly that I was overwhelmed. I had to get them out. But they were not thorns. They were wings. Long, brown, sharp-edged wings. I was disgusted. I pulled one out with a unnerving tug and then a pluck of the body of whatever insect it was. They were alive but not moving, with useless wings. I must have pulled a hundred out within several seconds, desperate to get them out of me, but the disgust of the feeling of pulling them out was absolutely horrific. I mean I was literally grabbing handfuls of wings from my belly and ripping them out with so much urgency, with that feeling when you pull on your skin--the emptiness you feel on the inside. I was crying from disgust and the need for help. I believe my Mom was the only one helping me rid my stomach of the termites that invaded my body. I am glad the dream did end with the relief of just pulling a few random wings that were left from my chest, my stomach, and my shoulder. They were finally out of me.


I do not know what this meant yet. It has some obvious visualizations of disgust with whatever was inside of myself, and the need to rid myself of that feeling and the bugs that crept into my body/life. I know that letting one little lie that satan feeds us can multiply like bugs inside, and that makes sense to me. Ridding them is not easy, and it is not without pain and dusgust. Its just something we have to do sometimes. Remove the bugs in our lives that we have allowed to fly in and multiply within us.

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